There are three fairly strange revelations in this story. I can’t decide how I feel about any one of them:
1) There is an ASP (Full name would get it flagged).
2) The subject of the ban.
3) The subject of the ban that preceded this ban.

In the middle of drinking myself silly yesterday following our gut-wrenching loss, someone told me this story. Really? You fucking bunch of five year-olds. If we meet up in the playoffs I’m going to round up a posse to guard the fire alarms and we’ll be armed tasers.

Let me just say, Lucinda Dickey’s performance in the movie Breakin was a tour de force. Any movie featuring break dancing, Christopher McDonald - circa 1984, ‘Boogaloo Shrimp’ Chambers, and 1980’s Ice-T has definitely “shot the moon.”

How about the one about Polish Microsoft?

I am sitting here in my cube today with some Japanese speakers on the other side of the wall carrying on an animated and extended conversation in their native language. As I sit here, there are two possibilities:
1) These people are the most racist people on earth.
2) The “N” word = “the” in Japanese.

I mean 15 miles is a hell of a lot longer than The Good Doctor’s intestines nowadays, otherwise he’d be the primary suspect.

And promptly manages to convince the company to do this.

In other, possibly completely unrelated news, do you think the “drinking moderately” referred to in this article is a relative measure?

So as most of you know, I now live in an area with a lot of cold weather, douchebags, and bars pouring good beer. The sum of all these parts tends to be an angry, quarter-drunk (0.1 benders) Cliffie. The few people I’ve found who haven’t jammed their entire faces up Big Papi’s cµnt, making them somewhat bearable, are generally quick drunks (we’re talking 1-2-3-out) or have families to get home to. So I ask you, Bendercrew(tm), Bender Associates(tm) and BenderNation(tm), is it better to drink with insufferable assclowns who can actually drink, or to drink with those who are bearable, (and sometimes even likable when I’m drunk) but will likely get out-chugged by Webdonkey’s offspring that very night?

Well, I managed to rack up a decent bar bill during my stay in Aruba. A few things that I found to be worth noting:

1. The weather was unbelievably great, which is not like me to say such things about a tropical climate
2. There was private island owned by my resort, which had an adults-only beach section, and it featured attractive women floating around in a lagoon…topless (skeet)
3. After an 11 beer brunch, it seemed that every member of the bar staff remembered my name
4. Drinks are effing expensive and liquor is rationed by management, via remote monitoring equipment, so don’t expect to get wasted on the cheap that way
5. Most beers in Aruba come in 10 or 11oz containers, unless you get the Amstel Light or Miller Light (Bud actually makes smaller containers for the f@gs that can’t take additional 2 ounces)
6. You can get Amstel here, as well as Amstel Light and Amstel Bright
7. Happy hour times vary from place to place, but it is common to find 2 for 1 deals and bar-hop happy hours from 4:30 - 9pm
8. The locals are quite racist (CLAUSE: more on that one in person)
9. French people are not welcome, unless they speak decent English
10. They have a red-light district here, but I was told that I needed to hire personal protection for the trip

I lost track of Krolo for a bit this weekend, any chance he drove to Nebraska for cigarettes?

Credit Blondie for the find.

As much as this. Time for all of us who are acquainted with Donald Duck’s nephew to check out the ol’ case files.

The days of a smooth, clear Lite beer with 17% alcohol are not far away.

That this story, which is just effing hilarious if you imagine the scene, and this story are related?

Whoops, didn’t mean to take an American ship.

Now slide that swashbuckle down a bit…

I haven’t, unless you count that Mushmouth character from the documentary series “Fat Albert”. Link.

There has been an increase in local sitings. Read.

With sound track from the ohio state bender

A recent article published by some guy at UVA suggested our brains have already peaked. Frankly, I questioned his methods and analysis until I saw this corroborating article. Damn it.

So most of the media in Boston is controlled entirely by one company, with two other independent newspapers vying for the leftover attention. Here is a good example of the bias the predominant media outlet has: All of the security cameras are removed from downtown Cambridge because the city council thinks they’re infringing on personal freedoms, and they run the article like this.

This article cracks me up because, as anyone who’s ever been on the phone with me while I’m driving in Boston can attest, this town’s potholes are some of the worst I’ve ever seen. At least someone did something with it.

Last week this happened, then today some idiot published this study.

I encourage you to read through the first one. There’s some hilarious (not because its meant to be) writing and some great quotes from the nation’s dignitaries.

Thought I’d put this little nugget of SEC gold up here. I don’t think I could’ve helped myself either.

The wife found this article. I know it wasn’t me and Castle’s a vegan or a hatchback or something. Anyone taking credit?

Check it out.

Because it picks me up when I’m feeling blue

Second place is the first loser, New Zealand.

In a related story, I’m certain one of us could’ve captioned this photo better.

So I was reading this article to see what kind of new laws I’ve got to be on the lookout for in Maryland. The first few paragraphs read like any other story of this nature - I think we’ve spotted these kind of laws before in other states - but then it goes awry. 7 or 8 paragraphs in several things are revealed that take this story to another level. I’ll summarize:
1) a 16 year old waited outside of his 15-year-old buddy’s car while his buddy has (consentual) sex with this Montgomery College chick they had cat-called in a school parking lot.
2) When his buddy finishes up, the 16-year-old asks if the girl will punch his train ticket. She agrees, on the condition he only rides for a few stops.
3) A minute or so in, she lets him know this is his stop. He says “Okay, let me get my things” (which takes him about 5 to 10 seconds). They part ways.
4) Both the 15 and 16-year-old get charged with rape.

Results: The guy who had completely consentual sex with her pleas down and gets 18 months in the clink. The guy who took 5-10 seconds to gather his things gets 15 years. Someone please, help me out: what happened here?

UPDATE: The Sun decided to extend this story an extra page and a half today. Part of it discusses some of the issues I’m concerned about, but overall I have to stand by my original sentiment: Holy hell!

Stumbled across the greatest thing I’ve ever seen……midget muay thai kickboxing. I dare you to watch this and not laugh/cry/explode.